Final Ariel Production

A great friend's daughter, E gets her Halloween costume and LOVES IT! "Its just like Ariel" She seemed pretty surprised considering she had such an active roll in making it. Constantly trying it on, getting pinned, being consulted on tail and bikini top questions. One thing I noticed about other Ariel costumes was that the top was coordinated into some shirt thing. One thing E noticed about the stored offered Ariel costumes was that they didn't really look like Ariel. She said she wanted just the top. So that is what we went with. We did purchase clear bra straps and sewed them on to make sure the top stayed on no matter how much running around took place. E consented to this alteration because we convinced her that they were clear and she didn't know for sure Ariel wasn't wearing them in the movie. Some parents on the trick or treat run seemd agast that we'd let a little girl walk around without a shirt on. Frankly, we live in Florida it was 85 degrees on Halloween and this little girl feels comfortable enough in her body image to want to walk around just like Ariel. We called the top a bikini top just like a bathing suit. That is how this four year old sees Ariel. She doesn't think showing skin makes her look sexy or more attractive. She doesn't worry about being fat or thin. She simply saw a movie, liked the heroine, and wants to immulate her on the one day a year we are allotted to immulate anyone we like.

Mermaids are elusive.

Donning the wig. She begged for this wig and really, its got to be better than all the chemicals in hair dye.

Totally sporting the full on Ariel look!

Appealing to the Senses

We've been appealing to the senses. Keller has been attempting to identify things according to senses. She likes things of the same color to be together but also wants things of the same shape to be together. A great way to tie this game into healthy foods is to make lunch an activity. We sorted our mixed veggies by color. So many were green that we sorted the green pile into broccoli (so named in our home: "baby trees", green beans, peas, and lima beans. Keller then sorted her browns and yellows into the same pile which included, cereal, corn, and chips (courtesy of a visiting uncle).




I scooted the chips into the pile farthest away to downplay their presence on the table. I don't know if it worked or Keller just doesn't prefer chips, but she didn't eat many. The green and orange pile was decimated by the end of lunch.

We also talked about the foods being hot, cold, crunchy, hard, soft and named in addition to their colors. For example, "this green baby tree is very cold and crunchy," or "these orange carrots are hot and soft." When Keller indicated she was thirsty I just brought her room temperature water in a cup. If we are eating, Keller generally is offered water first. She is typically too thirsty to reject or demand something different. On occasions that she specifically requests juice or cow's milk (via signing or talking) I will reward the request. I am happy that usually she just says, "I'm thirsty," or "I want water." Getting used to drinking water often and liking water is so crucial to good health.

Keller Do It!

Keller is getting really excited about dressing herself. Of course, we are entering a new stage of independence where Keller must do everything! This has turned into a battle of what Keller will wear when we must leave the house. This outfit was insisted on before we left to go shopping the other day. She chose the shirt, the pants, the skirt, shoved fabric in the skirt because its her older sister's and is WAY TOO BIG! and then draped some fabric around her like a sash. While, she certainly was stunning, I don't think people would believe she picked it out, she's tiny and so many people just can't believe that she is really be this independent. After about 30 minutes I coached her out of the sash, skirt, and heels. Okay shirt pants and no diaper. She was so adamant about the panties instead of diaper that I just packed a change of clothes and a diaper in case. We never needed the clothes, we successfully went grocery shopping, Keller used a public potty and we made it home 2 hours later, DRY! So, I've been giving in a little to the let Keller dress herself thing. She is usually so proud of her outfits that she refuses to wet them. I think looking silly is worth the trade off for being dry. Still, the clothes have to be practical and weather specific.Keller sporting a blue undershirt, polka dot panties and a plaid tunic. At least they all have the same blue color in them. I gott say, she did good!

Halloween is Coming

I love making Halloween costumes. I have ever since I was a kid. My costume is done, Keller's costume is done, JJ is buying his costume and that left me with a whole month until Halloween and no costume to make. Hopefully I will be making an Ariel costume for a friend's daughter. I started a prototype today in order to see if the plans I made will be functional. I did a terrible job of estimating size and ended up with an Ariel costume that fits my 14 month old. It is by no means done, but its a good practice run and how better to illustrate a costume idea than on a model?






I cut corners off of this store bought cookie box. Great way to reuse a piece of waste.








I then used the corners to estimate size of sea-shell bikini.









I wrapped fabric around the shell and tacked it.






Then I made the other shell, sewed them together in the middle, and then made a strap. I'm going to get two snaps for the back to strap it and an clear strap to go around the neck to hold it up.






I used a brown grocery bag to make the leg patterns by tracing a pair of pants, I cut wrong and ended up with pieces that were too small for my friend's daughter, but were perfect for Keller.

Now imagine a red wig, she'd be a perfect little Ariel once I add the fins. I'd also like to note that Keller is using her Daddy sign in this picture while she is talking to him.

One Day Without Diapers

We've done it. We've made it through one entire day without a single diaper. I think we've done this before, but still had floor accidents. Yesterday, there was not a single accident. Every catch was in the potty. We even took a walk to the store diaper free. Last night, Keller also stayed with her Daddy for a few hours and she even told me she needed to go potty. I hope that today goes as smoothly as yesterday did.

Mamar, Mama

I found a Spanish ad online that uses the term mamar "to breastfeed". I couldn't help notice that mama and mamar look like the same form and wonder if mamar should really be better translated into the verb: "to mother." Direct Spanish to English translations have given me "to suckle" as the official translation. But it is most often used in context of a child suckling its mother. We should really consider breastfeeding essential to being a mother. I know that some women can't breastfeed for a true sincere medical reason and I understand that. But I would like for a culture shift to occur that we assimilate the image of a nursing mother into our general image of "mother" in our minds.

The True Unnecessary Cesarean

Jill over at www.theunnecesarian.com posted on a woman's decision to have an elective cesarean in order to have her child born on 9-9-09 so that she would remember her child's birthdate. I posted this remark to Jill's post and am sharing my sadness over this with you.

You know a lot of women believe that to say anything negative about this woman's decision is anti-feminist because it points us against ourselves. Yet, I can totally understand and identify with a lot of the comments here. I agree that this is abhorrent to me. Still, I am more saddened by the fact that our culture promotes these ideas. I don't blame the mother as much as the masses. We live in a paradigm where its social acceptable to select birth for such a silly reason as choosing a birthday. How long until we are choosing their eye color, gender, height, intelligence, or some other characteristic? Most people applaud this woman's right to choose her birth experience. What is discounted is the actual danger and idiocy at play. How far we are from praising birth as a right of passage, as a miracle, as a precious awakening. Some of us know what birth can be as an empowering experience. Birthing ability and nursing ability are the reasons women were idolized in ancient pagan religions. Yet now it is a small "movement" that involves passing minimal laws to protect our very humanity; to protect our rights to choose drug and intervention free, for our right to breastfeed our children as biology or God (whichever you prefer) had intended us to. I am sad that we are the vast minority.


You can find the original post here:
http://www.theunnecesarean.com/blog/2009/9/10/unnecessary-elective-surgeries-at-good-samaritan-pick-your-d.html

Photo Update

Calling All Parents

We are seeing a very new stage of development for Keller. She is really starting to exhibit understanding of very difficult concepts. Object permanence for example. Now she has long been able to understand that when something is out of sight it isn't gone forever. Only today did my husband and I notice that Keller was showing she understood a step further, she understood that it didn't just disappear but that it in fact goes somewhere else entirely.
We noticed that Keller has been mimic phone conversations lately. We thought that she was just copying what she had witnessed. Now, I realize she knows that there is supposed to be another person on the other end of the phone. We realized that when today she gave me the phone and said, "Call Dad." I pretended to call my husband sitting in the chair across from me. She walked over to him and watched him carry out his fake phone call with me. Then she'd tell him to "Call Mom" and hand him the phone. We thought that she just thought it was funny that we were talking to each other.
Keller started taking the phone from us and having in room conversations with us. We thought still that this was just mimicing behavior. However, Keller went into the kitcehn with the phone and we heard her calling out "Mom, Mom, Mom." I went into see what she needed and she was on the phone calling me on the phone. She pointed to me and held her hand to her head as her sign for phone. I pretended to take the call in the other room and she held her fake conversation with me while completely out of sight. My husband was watching her and said when she talked about dad to me she used her daddy sign and when she said bye on the phone she waved before pretending to hang up.
I never would have imagined so much fun could be had with my cell phone.

Panties By Day, Naked Butt By Night

Since Keller is so good at staying dry day and night, my husband and I decided to start the transition out of diapers. I must say to some extent I am a little sad and am going to miss the diapers. Then I realize that this transition is going to take a little while and I can save our diapers for the next child. Really, I am more excited about the prospect of Keller being completely out of diapers by two years old. At 13 months, we are not even sure she will still be using diapers by 18 months.
The transition is going awesome! We have done one whole week of naked butt at night. No accidents! Last night, I was really tired and thought I might not wake if she needed me to and tried to put a diaper on...to no avail. Keller is done with diapers at night and would not tolerate wearing one. So I took her potty before bed since she wouldn't wear a diaper and voila, she went. So I relented and let her stay diaper free regardless of my exhaustion and this morning was happy to find that she stayed dry even though she never woke me up.
As for the day. We are still diapering out and about but have found more panties to use that fit her during the day. She loves the panties and when we run out she refuses to wear diapers. She will even try to put panties on herself when she gets out of the bath. I didn't know how much she was going to love transitioning into panties. I guess they are just that much more comfortable. My husband believes she knows that we wear underwear and not diapers. I don't know how much she understands about the process but I am so grateful she's playing an active roll in her own personal growth.

Keller has done excellently with E.C. She's been regularly pottying at least once per day since she was two months old. She's been E.C.ing 100% at night since we started our practice. It helps to co-sleep because I can feel her squirming and fussing before peeing so its easy to identify when she needs to go. Now, it seems that Keller is working on holding in her pee longer. She's been doing it for a while but its finally getting better. I haven't been restricting fluids before bed in any capacity and still nurse on demand at night so I know that Keller is still really hydrated, yet she has cut her two pees a night down to one and sometimes none at all. The first pee in the morning is now considerably longer than any other time. This tells me that Keller is holding more pee for longer.
Last night we tried going diaper free. Before Keller could crawl we let her sleep in bed diaper free most of the time. When it got cold we got used to putting her in a diaper because the house temperature would drop below 65 F at night. I also started traveling more with Keller and ran into accidents at night Not with Keller, she would squirm and wake up to go, but I was sleeping deeper an not waking to her signals. So we just stuck with diapers at night for the last 6 months. Now for the last 4 months we haven't needed the diapers but I've been more and more exhausted and sleeping more deeper. Keller has been sleeping deeper too and hasn't been squirming near as much in order to wake me. She has started squealing before she has to pee at night too. This I believe is due to the fact she goes to sleep and gets laid down in her crib more often. She will cry out to call me in order for me to take her to the potty. The only down side is this cry is her last ditch effort and its very hard to get her out of a diaper and to the bathroom in time.
So, yet another reason to restart diaper free at night. I'm glad we did. Last night we just went back to diaper free at night and it was a great success. Keller never woke up once to pee. And first thing in the morning we caught a poop too.
I am considering not just going full time diaper free at night but day time too. We already do a considerable amount of diaper free time and Keller is normally diaper free when we are at home. She is usually in a diaper when we visit family and friends or when I am going shopping or just going to be in the car for while.
Lately, Keller has been doing fantastic with panties. We have been taking much smaller diaper covers and using them as underwear. She is currently 17 lbs and wearing size 6 months diaper covers without the diaper. I hope this is a new stage into E.C. I've heard E.C. proponents boast about children being completely diaper free by 18 months and I always thought this was a bit much to achieve. Now, I feel differently and see it as a very possible reality. Of course, before ever doing E.C. I didn't know how wonderful the practice could be.

to left: Keller in "panties"

The Unabridged Story of Keller Isabelle's Birth

When my labor started on Saturday July 12, 2008 I didn't actually know it. I'd been having serious Braxton-Hicks contractions for almost 3 weeks. For at least 2 of the 3 weeks leading up to labor, the BH contractions would time themselves to two minutes apart and about 30 seconds long. We'd had 3 trips to the Birth Center an left 3 times without a baby. I started ignoring any feelings of contractions and stopped timing them. Surely, it didn't matter if I did or not because the baby just couldn't stay inside forever.
My husband, JJ woke up at 6 am that day to get ready for work. I got up to pee and felt so upset to my stomach I couldn't go back to sleep. Must have been that ball of wasabi I ate at dinner the night before in desperate hope that it would induce labor. The sun was just rising an giving the sky a beautiful blue hue when JJ hopped on his bike and left for work. I had what I can only describe as a "craving" to walk. So, I went outside and walked an hour and a half on that steamy 78 degree morning. I brought a liter of water with me and only returned home because I ran out of water.
More BH contractions were bothering me. One of my midwives had told me that if I drank magnesium citrate, it would make BH contractions go away but not the real ones. So I made some Organic green tea, threw in some powered "Calm" brand magnesium citrate, some tupelo honey and guzzled it. About 20 minutes later some of the pain subsided but I still felt pretty tender around the lower back, like I did when I had rough period cramps. I wasn't very hungry but knew it was important to eat, so I made some eggs an toast. It wasn't down 5 minutes before it came back up. How frustrating! I could feel the hunger pains and my stomach was growling but it rejected what had become my daily breakfast.
I felt like morning sickness was returning and drank a little warm water and went to lie down. I couldn't go back to sleep. I was feeling very anxious. I got up to poop and afterwords thought I'd feel a lot better getting whatever was upsetting my stomach out of me. It helped temporarily.
By 10 am I'd managed to get some cereal to stay down and a glass of orange juice. I couldn't get over the restlessness in my legs an took another stroll around the neighborhood. I walked twice a day for the last 3 months of my pregnancy so the neighbors had grown used to watching me waddle past their homes. I got lots of advice, waves, smiles, and "that baby isn't out yet?!" More than anything I had experienced mothers ranging from 30-90 telling me that walking was just the thing I needed to be doing. It was nice to hear that this was a normal craving. The few pregnant women I knew at the time of my birth didn't seem to really want to take walks outside in the Florida summer. But I bathed in the heat. Usually, I'd take a walk at lunchtime and then later a night. Towards the end I was walking a few more times a day. I can't tell you how necessary it was for me to walk. Whenever my walks ended at my house, I'd feel a sense of sadness and sometimes would just run in, fill up my water bottle, and go back to walking. I can understand how Mary walked from Nazareth to Bethlehem.
I think it was around 10:30 while I was on my walk that the contractions started getting stronger and demanding that I stop and squat. Many times I'd lean against a street sign, fence, or tree to sway back and forth. This was nothing new either. Previously, my BH contractions had been strong enough to illicit this response too, so I still ignored it and decided to take more Calm when I returned home. On the way back home, several elderly ladies stopped me to tell me they could see the difference in me today and that my child was going to be born by sunrise tomorrow. I just told them all, "I hope so." I got home around 11 am from my walk and managed to eat some spanish rice with black beans for lunch. I took some more Calm, tea, and honey and tried to watch a movie. It didn't interest me at all, I just needed something, but didn't know what. I got in the shower and spent 30 minutes letting the hottest water run over my lower back. I held onto the shower wall and she swayed back and forth with my hips. Sometimes, I'd do some real low hums and some squats and some more hums. This was different than before, but it just didn't feel strong enough to be labor.
At noon, a good friend named Holly called me to tell me she was moving to New Jersey in a few days and wanted to see me before she left. I told her to come on over, I was all alone and maybe wouldn't be very good company, but I didn't want her to leave without saying goodbye.
She showed up around 1pm and we talked for a while. She told me about the guy she was going to live with and that they both wanted children one day and how great it would be to have a baby. I agreed with her on that, how great would it be to have a baby. We talked most of the afternoon and took some short walks around the block. I just kept drinking more and more tea with magnesium citrate and it wasn't helping. In fact the cramps were getting worse. I don't know if contractions is the right word. They do contract and I guess cramps aren't all that different. But they are dull like cramps, its achy and a little painful an a bit like you need to poop.
Holly and I took a fairly long walk and I was just content to listen to her life plans and latest news. It was distracting me from the irritating back pain I was experiencing. When we got back home I just put my knees on the floor and laid my upper torso in the rocking chair and rocked back and forth. Holly just kept asking if she was bothering me or if I was okay. I was fine as long as I rocked. I started feeling more an more nausea and spent a good amount of time in the restroom with diarrhea and vomiting. Of course, in my labor denial, I assumed I'd taken too much magnesium citrate and that was causing the nausea. I didn't even consider true labor. I felt pretty tired and told Holly I was going to lay down for a bit. She told me not to let her bother me and so I went and dozed off for two hours or so.
When I woke up, I just felt so sore. I felt like I'd sprained a muscle in my lower back. It wasn't debilitating, but it was tender. I took a long shower to try and soothe myself. When I finished showering, my good friends Ric and Christina showed up. Christina had delivered her daughter at home 3 years prior and was to be my doula. She kept telling me her intuition was that I was in labor. I assured her that it wasn't bad enough to be labor and I'd been going through these similar pains for 3 weeks and to just calm down. Still it was nice to have her company. Ric was Christina's partner and had been there for her birth. I'd requested he attend our birth in hopes he could be supportive of my nervous husband. Christina and I walked around for a while, talking about her birth experience and how beautiful labor and birth are. I remember it had just rained and the ground was still wet, the leaves were still glistening with water. I remember that the air just smelled so fresh and clean. It seemed like a good day to have a baby. There was a fresh awesomeness to the atmosphere.
Christina is a massage therapist, another wonderful skill to have on hand at a birth. She rubbed my hips as I rocked my torso in the rocking chair. I can remember every stroke seemed to instantly take away the back pain. This just reinforced my belief that this wasn't real labor, the pain subsided too easily. Christina said she could feel my hips really opening. She said they gave so easily that it had to be because the baby was on the way. After a while of massage and rocking, Christina did some reflexology. She found several pressure points on my wrist, shoulder, and foot. Sometimes the points would send a very severe stabbing pain throughout my body, especially the points in the foot. After the reflexology things started accelerating quickly.
I finally decided I need to soak in the tub. The cramps were getting heavier and more consistent. I hadn't been timing them and was completely unaware that Christina had been timing them. She gave me the time sheet after the birth that charted my real contractions hitting 3 minutes apart and lasting 45-60 seconds somewhere around 9 pm. It was about that time that JJ got home from work.
He was exhausted. He'd been at work since 7 am and really should have left work no later than 7 pm. I was so relieved to see him, just hugging him seemed to take so much pain away. Christina informed JJ that the baby was definitely coming. He looked at me and I told him, "Yeah, this baby has got to be coming tonight." I don't know who, but someone captured this moment on our camera.
Everyone was eager to get to the birth center, but I wasn't ready. Around 9:30 I suddenly was STARVING! What did I demand from my fellow birth attendants? Papa John's pizza and peppercinis. In fact, the peppercinis were the far more pressing thought on my mind. I can remember telling Holly that I didn't care if the pizza got her but I wanted those peppers. When the pizza arrived I ate three slices and 5 peppers within less than 5 minutes. I don't really remember chewing. After my meal, I felt like the labor was moving onto a new stage.
I got back in the tub and felt a very new sensation. It felt like every time the baby moved a very warm (almost hot) liquid would come out of me. At first I thought I was peeing and got out of the tub to see if it was my water breaking or pee. It didn't smell like pee. I called Christina in and she was quite sure it was my water breaking, or rather, trickling. The pain was really picking up and getting to be too difficult to talk during. I just laid in the tub and kind of moaned. The water felt too cold and so I eventually just left the hot running with no cold water. I couldn't get comfortable and wanted my belly to really be covered, but my tub at home wasn't deep enough.
I can remember Holly getting me ice water. The thirst was really unbelievable. I felt like I'd walked 100 miles in the desert, I was so thirsty. I could barely thank Holly for the water.
Christina and called my midwife who wanted to talk to me. I remember that I wasn't really angry until the midwife demanded to talk to me. She didn't seem to think I was in labor. I was really short and rude on the phone. I handed the phone back to Christina and told her I wasn't dealing with that "shit." I remember Christina arguing with the midwife saying things like, "no, I know she can talk but she's definitely in labor," and "I am sure her water broke, I'm sure she's in active labor." The midwife told us to wait a while longer.
I think I lasted another 1/2 hour before deciding that I was extremely pissed off at being at home. The contractions were getting too close together. I started panicking. I could handle these at home, but if it was this tough already I couldn't bear the thought of getting in the car later in labor. I could handle the pains when I was in the tub, but when I got out of the tub I felt like I couldn't even stand on my own legs. Christina called the midwife back and thanks to my very LOUD moans she agreed to meet us at the birth center.
I'd been wearing only a bikini top and couldn't bear the idea of getting dressed. Someone wrapped me in a bath robe for the car journey. I sat in the front seat with my head against the dashboard. JJ (my husband) started driving there and at some point started asking for my directions. I remember looking over at him and in a very low satanic voice saying, "you don't remember how to fucking get there, after every fucking time I made you drive there during prenatals to program your stupid fucking brain." Someone rode in the back seat with us and commented, "that is labor."
I couldn't bear to open my eyes, the car hitting speed bumps made pain shoot through my back and I wasn't capable of keeping my breathing steady with all the panic and questions being asked of me in the car. I finally was able to give directions on how to get to the birth center. When we got there I got out of the car and was so weak from the drive that I fell to the ground. I'd lost my concentration, I was pissed off that JJ couldn't find his way there without making me direct him, I was pissed off that I wasn't in water, and I was pissed off the midwife had made us wait extra time. All that anger wasn't helping the situation, it was just feeding the pain. The midwife took me inside and asked me to go to the bathroom and pee in a cup. When she left the bathroom I ordered someone to fill up the tub. Holly rushed to it and started the water.
The midwives wouldn't let me get in the tub right away, they asked me to lay on my back for a cervix check. The worst pain of the entire labor was during the 2 cervix checks I had laying on my back. I truly can't fathom having a baby being on my back the whole time.
After informing me that I was 80% effaced and 4 cm (hardly a call to active labor) they told me I could get in the tub anyway. I didn't care that I was only 4 cm, I was sore, the contractions were getting pretty tough and I didn't want to have to drive when they were any worse than they were.
JJ didn't sit behind me in the tub. He was trying to do what I was asking of him, but really just kept upsetting me. I laid in front of him and tried to brace my legs against him. The slipper surface of the tub was making it hard to relax because I'd just slip all over.
At one point JJ moved suddenly and caused a severe amount of pain. I yelled at him, "stop moving!" I don't know who decided that it was better to get JJ out of the tub and get Christina in, but I'm grateful. She had an innate ability to just be what I needed. At times she sat in front of me and supported me, but most of the time she let me lay on her chest. This was so soothing. I started to drift into another place during the contractions.
Her breathing was so steady and relaxed that I couldn't help but sync up with her. My stomach was hanging suspended in the water and without gravity's pull, the pain all but disappeared. JJ sat next to the tub so that I had a focal point. I don't know how long we stayed like this but it was very helpful.
For a very long time I just lost myself in the contractions. I stopped feeling pain and felt like I was somewhere else. I closed my eyes and drifted into a sort of trance. I wasn't in a tub at a birth center anymore. I was floating in some dark ocean that also resembled space. I floated up and down as if on a raft while ocean swells went by. But I wasn't on a raft, it was just me floating weightless in the abyss. And I couldn't really feel the water, it was more like a star filled black-blue void. I just floated there letting the swells carry me higher, peak, and then down I'd go. I moaned during the swells and it would get me to the top. After the peaks, I could just breathe and relax.
At some point the midwives realized that I hadn't given them a urine sample and broke me out of my trance so I could provide one. I hadn't known I needed to pee, but was able to. The midwives dipped some sticks in and suddenly rushed me out of the tub and onto the bed. They were wrapping a blood pressure cuff around my arm and taking my temperature and checking the baby with a doppler. I started to get really panicked.
One of the midwives informed me that my ketones were too high and blood pressure was too high. They told me I could go pre-eclamptic if they didn't keep me out of the water. I'm not sure what led to this. Someone spoon fed me some cookies and cream ice cream and yogurt. I also munched on a little bit of macaroni, cheese, beef, and tomatoes. Someone held water with a straw for me. I felt myself getting pretty tired. My stomach was upset and I couldn't handle anymore food. The midwives had everyone leave the birth room, except for JJ. The midwives set me up on my side with JJ spooning me and then they left too.
I don't know how long I was in that position, it seemed like forever and no time at all. It was very easy to go back to the void I was in. I just moaned and breathed. JJ's breathing behind me synced with the swells I was feeling. I just kept hearing a woman's voice in my head, "its just a wave, ride it." So I did. I road the waves and didn't feel the pain, I just let the sounds come out. The same voice in my head kept saying, "that's right, low, low tones. You want the sounds to reach your bottom."
At some point one of the midwives entered and checked my cervix. She told me that progress wasn't something to worry about. I knew that meant I wasn't really progressing. I begged to get back in the water. She took my blood pressure, temperature, and let me pee in a cup again. Everything was fine so she refilled the tub. JJ told me he wasn't going to have a cigarette. Earlier in the labor, I wouldn't have tolerated that, but at this point I felt like I didn't need him. I just needed my ocean and my swells and my voice.
I sunk back into the void, the swells were getting harder to ride. I couldn't figure it out, this had been working, why wasn't it working anymore? The pain started to return, much stronger than it was before. I cried out with very high pitched screams. One of the midwives came in and told me not to start panicking. I told her it hurt to much and she helped me bring the screams back to very low moans. That helped. I told her I was scared, it couldn't get any worse than this. I remember saying, "this pain, this is why people get epidurals, why didn't I listen." The midwife replied, "you knew that you could handle this and you are doing wonderfully. You are a good mama, just breathe."
I guess those were the only words of encouragement I needed. The midwife left and almost instantly I could feel my body pushing without my effort. A student midwife was with me and asked if I was okay, I told her I thought I was pushing, but I wasn't doing it so I didn't know what was happening. I tried gripping the tub and couldn't stop slipping and sliding. So, I finally jumped out of the tub. The student midwife ran out of the room to get one of the midwives. When one of the midwives came in, she told me to stop pushing until she checked me, that I couldn't be ready.
I just got up and when to the bathroom because I agreed with her, the contractions were completely painless, I just felt the need to poop. When I said that she followed me to the toilet and convinced me to let her check my cervix before I tried to go. I agreed, even though I was hoping she wasn't going to tell me how little I'd progressed. Instead, she gasped in shock and said, "I can't believe it." She stepped back to have the other midwife check. The second midwife looked up and me and said, "Would you like to feel your baby's head?" I reached down and felt my baby's head, full of hair. One of the midwives got me up off the toilet and brought me to the bed. They tried to stack pillows for me to lean on. I thought, "I'd rather be in the tub," but felt such a need to push, there was no way I was going to make it back to the tub.
Our entire crew rushed in when they heard clapping and cheering from the midwives. I had gotten the head through and was working on the shoulders. At the last minute I stood up and pushed and the whole body came out. I've never felt such a release and pure joy. I can't explain the sensation. Its just, all pain is a long distant memory. There is just the most joyful experience you can contemplate. Our baby was very blue when she first came out. She was also extremely covered in a white lotion-paste substance called vernix. She didn't cry, she just looked at me.
I sat back and when my husband (who caught our daughter) handed our daughter to me. I held her close and just cried with all the love I felt for her. I just kept repeating, "I love you" over and over. We had been told by an ultrasound we were expecting a boy and for 45 minutes I just held her close to me with a blanket over her and I both, we were so in love with our baby that nobody checked to see if it was a boy or girl. When she started rooting and I got her latched, I decided to check. I believe it was the fact my husband blurted, "that's my boy" when she latched and nursed like a champ. "JJ and I kept kissing each other and the baby and telling each other how much we loved one another. It was and is the most beautiful moment I've ever had.

More Photo Craziness

Keller Photo Array June/July 2009

Keller at the botanical gardens in Gainesville








Running along in the childrens' garden.









Keller master of nursing in a moby wrap.



Floating with Dad.

My Review of Da Vinci Parker 4-In-1 Convertible Crib - Oak

Toys R Us

The Parker Convertible Crib is thoughtfully designed to allow you to take baby out of the crib with little effort. This charming crib also features a partitioned underdrawer that provides extra storage for baby belongings. The Parker 4 in 1 Crib is durably crafted from the highest quality pine con...

Da Vinci Parker 4-In-1 Convertible Crib - Oak

Exactly What I Wanted

Kizzie's Mom Gainesville, FL 7/31/2009

 

5 5

Pros: Sturdy, Easy to Assemble, Classy, Beautiful Craftsmanship

Cons: NO TEETHING RAIL AVAIL

Best Uses: Newborn, Lifetime Bed, Toddlers, Infants

Describe Yourself: First Time Parent

Love the design. Was easy to put together, I think it took me about 1 hour. The height level is easy to adjust. We bought this crib when my daughter was 8 months old so I initially installed the mattress support too high but it was easy to lower. My crib bumper was a little tricky to keep straight in the back but I figured it out. The back board does interfere a little. I like the bolts because they are really sturdy. I wouldn't use any plastic covers for them. The natural finish was exactly what I hope for. I was afraid that because there isn't a drop rail, I'd have problems putting my sleeping baby in the crib, but the lower rounded side makes leaning over the front easy. I am only 5'5". The drawer doesn't attach to the crib like I'd hoped, but it works just fine for storing extra blankets and sheets.

crib in the nursery

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close up of wood and installed hardware

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